"Maybe it's okay
If I'm not okay
'Cause the one who holds the stars
Is holding on to me" ~ We Are Messengers-"Maybe It's Okay"
There may be some people who see the name of my blog and assume I have it all together. After all, Godly Insights for the 21st Century Life sounds like it was written by a well-studied theologian, someone whose faithful leadership guides others to know Christ as well. While it is true that others have come to know Christ through my faithful witness, I am still far from perfect.
As I mentioned in my earlier post "Haven't Seen it Yet", I struggle with doubts about many things. I also suffer from anxiety that at times can be almost crippling, and often that anxiety will morph itself into depression. The most recent instance of this was a little over a week ago when I participated in a local small business fair.
Before the event, I worked hard to make new items to display, worried that I might run out of things to sell otherwise. However, a part of me also worried that I wouldn't sell very much, and that worry actually came true. The location of my booth, while close to the door for easy loading and unloading, was on the outskirts of the setup, so many people never even saw it, including a coworker who came to the event just so she could see me. I noticed quite a few people looking the other way while walking by, and started greeting everyone I saw so they would look over, but not many did. Some of those who did look over admired my work but didn't buy anything, and one person even picked up something I had made, and rather than buying it, asked her friend to make her one! It didn't help matters that a booth not far away was selling fleece-lined hats and headbands.
I made far less than I had paid for the booth space, which has happened both times I have sold items somewhere I had to pay a fee to participate. Fortunately, I had sold a few things at my church last month, and I had some orders from a lady at church as a result, and between all three things my booth fee was covered, but it still stung. I haven't sold much online, and when I don't sell much in person either, I get very discouraged.
The event wasn't all bad. A local program for adults with special needs brought a group of residents, and I sold one of my cheaper scarves to one of the ladies so she would have a gift for her roommate. I had fun joking with the guy in the next booth, who was offering chair massages to get the word out about his studio. I was able to meet a lady who does fun baby bump photography, and I got her information to give to a coworker who is expecting. I also got to sample smoked cheese and liked it so much I had to buy some. Additionally, unlike the other event I attended where my sales were dismal, the organizers came around and asked how they could make it better for next year. However, none of that was able to cheer me up afterward, or made it any easier to tell my friends and family about it.
Times like these are proof that no matter how much I want to be, I am not okay. I am a broken person living in a broken world, and sometimes the weight of that brokenness is overwhelming. That's why I love the song "Maybe It's Okay" so much. It's a reminder that even though I am not okay, I am loved by the creator of the universe. Not only that, but He uses my brokenness to show me how much He can do in my life and in the lives of those around me. On Earth, there will always be heartache and pain, but when we trust in God, He will carry us through it. So no matter what you may face, remember that you don't have to be perfect to be perfectly loved.
If I'm not okay
'Cause the one who holds the stars
Is holding on to me" ~ We Are Messengers-"Maybe It's Okay"
There may be some people who see the name of my blog and assume I have it all together. After all, Godly Insights for the 21st Century Life sounds like it was written by a well-studied theologian, someone whose faithful leadership guides others to know Christ as well. While it is true that others have come to know Christ through my faithful witness, I am still far from perfect.
As I mentioned in my earlier post "Haven't Seen it Yet", I struggle with doubts about many things. I also suffer from anxiety that at times can be almost crippling, and often that anxiety will morph itself into depression. The most recent instance of this was a little over a week ago when I participated in a local small business fair.
Before the event, I worked hard to make new items to display, worried that I might run out of things to sell otherwise. However, a part of me also worried that I wouldn't sell very much, and that worry actually came true. The location of my booth, while close to the door for easy loading and unloading, was on the outskirts of the setup, so many people never even saw it, including a coworker who came to the event just so she could see me. I noticed quite a few people looking the other way while walking by, and started greeting everyone I saw so they would look over, but not many did. Some of those who did look over admired my work but didn't buy anything, and one person even picked up something I had made, and rather than buying it, asked her friend to make her one! It didn't help matters that a booth not far away was selling fleece-lined hats and headbands.
I made far less than I had paid for the booth space, which has happened both times I have sold items somewhere I had to pay a fee to participate. Fortunately, I had sold a few things at my church last month, and I had some orders from a lady at church as a result, and between all three things my booth fee was covered, but it still stung. I haven't sold much online, and when I don't sell much in person either, I get very discouraged.
The event wasn't all bad. A local program for adults with special needs brought a group of residents, and I sold one of my cheaper scarves to one of the ladies so she would have a gift for her roommate. I had fun joking with the guy in the next booth, who was offering chair massages to get the word out about his studio. I was able to meet a lady who does fun baby bump photography, and I got her information to give to a coworker who is expecting. I also got to sample smoked cheese and liked it so much I had to buy some. Additionally, unlike the other event I attended where my sales were dismal, the organizers came around and asked how they could make it better for next year. However, none of that was able to cheer me up afterward, or made it any easier to tell my friends and family about it.
Times like these are proof that no matter how much I want to be, I am not okay. I am a broken person living in a broken world, and sometimes the weight of that brokenness is overwhelming. That's why I love the song "Maybe It's Okay" so much. It's a reminder that even though I am not okay, I am loved by the creator of the universe. Not only that, but He uses my brokenness to show me how much He can do in my life and in the lives of those around me. On Earth, there will always be heartache and pain, but when we trust in God, He will carry us through it. So no matter what you may face, remember that you don't have to be perfect to be perfectly loved.
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