This past Sunday, I was working and missed the morning service at the church my husband and I attend. Usually, I just attend the evening Bible study and church service, but things were different this Sunday. On the first Sunday of every quarter, our church does a special Communion service instead of regular Sunday evening activities.
The first 30 minutes of the service are devoted to prayer and Bible reading, which I thought was nice. I spent the majority of that time praying for my husband and our relationship. I know that prayer is a great basis for any marriage, and I figured some dedicated time to do so would be quite helpful. I also read Song of Solomon, since it is a book solely about love and a marital relationship.
While I was reading, I noticed a verse that didn't make much sense to me, so I looked it up in another version on my Bible app. Our church uses the King James Version (KJV), so that's what I was reading, but the church I grew up in used the New Revised Standard Version (NRSV), so that's the one I'm more used to. The verse in question was Song of Solomon 5:4. In the KJV, that verse reads: "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him." but the NRSV has it as "My beloved thrust his hand into the opening, and my inmost being yearned for him." I much prefer the way the NRSV puts it. The wording of the KJV makes it sound like the narrator's beloved showing up makes her need to go to the bathroom, but in the NRSV, it sounds like his presence fills her with love and desire.
After the prayer time came the actual Communion service. Since I am not yet a member of our church and they practice closed Communion, I couldn't partake. The church I grew up in practices open Communion, but I had been in churches that didn't before, and it was never really too much of a problem for me. This time was different because of how Communion was done. Every time before that I have been in a church that practices closed Communion, the pastor or priest had the elements up in the front of the sanctuary, and people that could partake went up to receive them, and people that couldn't stayed in their seats. This time, the pastor had someone take each of the elements around so people could partake from the pews. Doing it this way makes a lot of sense because it's a small congregation with several elderly people. The problem was that the person assigned to pass out the bread is one of the few members who doesn't know who I am, and as such, he offered it to me. Before I could speak up and tell him that I am not a member, somebody else did it for me. At that moment, I felt like such an outsider, and I have a better idea of why that congregation is struggling. If someone who grew up in the church and is well versed in Scripture can be made to feel like an outsider so easily, what chance do we have of inviting people in who do not know Christ and making them feel welcome?
On Wednesday, I went to the monthly church meeting, and the topic of how the Communion service was done came up. All the members were in agreement about continuing to do it the same way, and since I am not a member, I couldn't dissent and express my desire to change it so that visitors don't stick out quite so much. Now I'm feeling a bit conflicted about becoming a member. As a member, I could speak up and express my concern about how things are done, but I would also become just one more insider. In addition, I have only ever been a member of one church my entire life, and the two churches are so different, it's hard to think about changing my allegiances. I guess this is just my next big thing to pray about.
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