This past summer, I read the book Me, Myself, and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild, and it really made me think. If you read my post "What are You Really Saying?" you know that I realized that at least for me, saying "I can't believe I said/did/forgot/lost that!" was really a way to put myself down, and I was determined to stop saying it. However, this book helped me to realize that though I wasn't saying things like that out loud, I was still putting myself down. I was challenged to continue to assess how I talk to myself.
In the book, Jennifer compares our thoughts to items in a closet. We have the comfy ones that we wear so often that they start to wear out, but we refuse to stop because we love them so much. We have the ones that aren't our favorites, but we will wear them at certain times and they fit us well enough. Then there are the ones that we never wear because they don't fit and we don't like them. However, she likens our negative thoughts to ugly, ill-fitting garments that we not only let take up room in our closet, but regularly force ourselves into. Some of these ill-fitting thoughts are labels placed upon us by others, and just like an itchy sweater from a beloved great-aunt that makes us look like an old sack of potatoes, we keep wearing them because they were given to us. However, unlike the itchy sweater, none of those people will ever see whether or not we're wearing those labels, yet we can all too easily put them on so often that they become part of our identity.
So how do we get rid of them? The first step is to recognize them. Philippians 4:8 states, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise, think about these things." So whenever we think something about ourselves, we must first ask ourselves these questions:
In the book, Jennifer compares our thoughts to items in a closet. We have the comfy ones that we wear so often that they start to wear out, but we refuse to stop because we love them so much. We have the ones that aren't our favorites, but we will wear them at certain times and they fit us well enough. Then there are the ones that we never wear because they don't fit and we don't like them. However, she likens our negative thoughts to ugly, ill-fitting garments that we not only let take up room in our closet, but regularly force ourselves into. Some of these ill-fitting thoughts are labels placed upon us by others, and just like an itchy sweater from a beloved great-aunt that makes us look like an old sack of potatoes, we keep wearing them because they were given to us. However, unlike the itchy sweater, none of those people will ever see whether or not we're wearing those labels, yet we can all too easily put them on so often that they become part of our identity.
So how do we get rid of them? The first step is to recognize them. Philippians 4:8 states, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise, think about these things." So whenever we think something about ourselves, we must first ask ourselves these questions:
- Is it true? If the answer to this one is no, then tell that thought "Sayonara, sucker!" and send it packing without a second thought. (Pun intended.)
- Is it honorable? Our thoughts need to be bringing honor to us, not taking it away. When we don't respect ourselves, it is harder for us to respect others.
- Is it just? We are all human and we all make mistakes, but no good can come from those mistakes leading to criticism.
- Is it pure? This is especially relevant for labels others have placed upon us. We have to assess whether something about them caused them to give us that label. Sometimes what people hate the most in others is what they hate about themselves.
- Is it pleasing? If the thought disgusts you, saddens you, or angers you, than throw it out!
- Is it commendable? When you don't want anyone else to know what your thinking because you know they wouldn't like it, take it as a sure sign that you shouldn't be thinking it.
The next step is actually getting rid of them, which quite often is easier said than done. This is where the imagery of a closet is helpful. I visualize the thought as an ill-fitting or ugly piece of clothing, and then visualize myself getting rid of that piece of clothing. Anxiety became a corset I slashed the laces of and overthinking was an initially plain hat which had become over-adorned that I threw like a Frisbee (admittedly I overthought that one).
The last step is replacing them. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, St. Paul challenged us to "take every thought captive to obey Christ." That means that every thought we have must be laid at the foot of Christ, and if it doesn't obey Him, He will give us a thought that does. Thoughts of unworthiness change to ones about how much we are worth to Christ. Thoughts of ugliness change to ones affirming our beauty.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy because I'm still struggling with it. In fact, because of circumstances that brought up some of these thoughts, this is being posted a lot later than I had initially intended. Some of the thoughts I'm struggling to remove were built up over many years, and they're not going to just disappear overnight. I am thankful that I don't have to do it alone, and you won't have to either. Christ wants us to see ourselves the way He sees us, and He stands by us through the journey if we will let Him.
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