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Still That Girl

"You're still that girl, and you're gonna change this world" - Britt Nicole, "Still That Girl"

These past four weeks I have been doing an online Bible study using Suzanne Eller's book The Mended Heart. Additionally, two weeks ago I received an e-mail with a link to an article about 10 Christian songs that told a story. One of those songs was "Still That Girl" by Britt Nicole. While the two things may seem unrelated, God has used them to help bring a revolution in the way I see myself.

As those of you who have read my post "Help Me Find It" know, I was cut from student teaching twice. Since teaching was what I had wanted to do since I was seven, this rejection left me wondering what to do next. My original thought was to go into the school counseling program, but that didn't work out either. So after a semester of taking a few classes so I could keep my apartment, I moved home and started looking for a job as a para. Being a para wasn't really what I wanted to do, but it was the closest I could get without a teaching license. I got a job at a great school and I loved it, but I still felt unfulfilled. I thought about entering a program where I could be a para for two years and then be eligible for my teaching license, but I was scared. Being cut from student teaching twice left me feeling broken.

The first time I student taught, my supervisors noticed things I needed to improve but didn't communicate those things to me. I didn't know anything was wrong until mid-October when I found out that the director of field experiences was coming to observe me. I was later put on a two-week probation, taught for one week, spent most of the next weekend coming up with great lessons that met all the criteria they required, taught all day Monday, and was cut Monday night. I did an independent study in the spring, and then student taught again the next fall. My cooperating teacher was great and the kids were great, but I still couldn't relax. Every time I made a mistake, I feared that it would be the one that would send me home. I failed again because I was so afraid of failure that I couldn't focus enough to be successful.

I  thought I was over the pain until one day earlier this year when a misunderstanding between me and a coworker led to an argument that sent me right back to that place. When I heard about the online study of The Mended Heart, I jumped at the chance to participate. It was becoming clear to me that some wounds hadn't healed, they were just lying dormant. Through the first two weeks of the study, I started to pray about the pain and started to feel it slip away. I knew that even though what they had done had hurt me, Jesus could take that pain away.

Then I heard "Still That Girl" for the first time, and it reached another painful part of this story. Part of my reason for wanting to be a teacher was so I could help students have confidence that they could do well in school, and I didn't feel that I could do that effectively as a para. Recently, I have begun to realize that I can do a great deal of good as a para, and the lyrics in the song helped to confirm that. I'm still the same girl I was before being cut from student teaching, and I can still change the lives of the students I work with.

Britt Nicole-"Still That Girl"

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